Recently in Kid Wrangling Category

So, I rocked up at the appointed time. It's been a while since I was there, but that's cool the kids and I go way back. Mum and I shoot the breeze and fill in the blanks for the last couple of months and then she drops the big one.

Oh, by the way, there's a houseful of kids, I should have told you...

By houseful she means 7.

Just upgraded from nanny to crowd control.

7 ranging in ages from soon to be 5 to 13. All primed on pizza and soda and lined up to watch the latest crop of M-rated movies Mum's hired... even the wee'un.

So, I watch the first with them. Blades of Glory. Laughed till it hurt. Then let them watch Norbit on their own. So not my bag.

Go down at 9 to pick the 5 year old off the floor and heft her upstairs and put her to bed. Return at 10 to give the others the hurry up.

Finally get them all into their respective rooms and spend the next hour fighting them to get back into their respective beds (3 girls in 1, 3 boys in the other) and finally get so jack of it I read the riot act.

Mum and Dad come home half an hour later. 12.30am. I give them the report, including the fact I'd had to get tough. They were delighted and apologetic all at once and we go check on the kids.

1 boy missing. Toad. Probably in the girls' room...

Nonetheless, I walk away with $120 for 6 hours work. Now that's why I keep going back.

Because a nanny don't mind working for someone who pays fair.

Introducing the newest member of the Singular family... weighing it 6lb 11oz and born at 3.30 this morning, this is my new nephew. He brings the total of nephews to 5 while the total of nieces remains at 1.

Which isn't to say I don't like me some boys... I like me some boys, I do... and as the Singular boys are all absolutely adorable this one will be no exception, of course... as is the singular Singular girl. Gorgeous.

However, if you have it please forward the recipe for girls to my sisters...

Unless of course they're done and the rest of the line is stuck with me...

Uh oh.

I've had an agent for years.

Don't you just love how that sounds?

"Sorry... I'll be with you in a minute, just on a call to my agent."
"Dee, I've got your agent on the line!"
"I'd love to work with you, let me give you my agent's number..."

And so on... Very glamorous...

Anyway, since the agency was sold and I began to be represented by a different party I've become less and less enchanted with the amount of work I've been getting (like, none...) Even in light of the fact that a number of my clients would call the agency and ask for me directly I was still having to chase the agency for work and even then there was no guarantee...

So I got jack of it and I called it quits on Monday.

"Dear J, thank you for your representation over the last 7 years, after long consideration I've decided to devote more time dedicated to my business and so am hereby resigning from the agency.

Yours etc."

And I sent a farewell message to my 3 top clients.

"Hi [insert name], it's Deeleea here, just letting you know I've resigned from the agency. Thanks for all the work to date, wish you well for the future! Keep in touch, give my love to the kids.. Yours etc..."

And within the next 24 hours I had received bookings for 6 jobs over the next 2 months .

Which seems to constitute a work epidemic.

Not sure how to square it away with the rest of the developments in my world at the moment but the cash will be good...

I need new jeans.

Do you remember the big bad I Said No*? I was thinking about him this week because I took a babysitting job for a friend with 2 kids. A friend who is a sterling bloke but who is a little bit held to ransom by is adorable 2 year old. You know the kind of ransom right? The kind where the real kind of I Said No isn't actually interpreted as authentic... so the little fella gives maw and paw the run around...

Anyway last week Ah So asked if I still do the sitting on babies thing. Of course I said yes (I've got to pay for the trip to the US somehow - Did I tell you about that yet?), nearly made him choke on the price and once he'd got his breath back told him I'd be delighted to mind the little 'uns.

The reason they picked me over the usual suspects is that the regular sitters are all family members and the big gig for Saturday night was a family one. So, Ah So was worried about the fact that Cue plays up for them and wanted someone slightly familiar who would be able to deal with Cue's shennaigans...

A little tacker like that calls for the Babysitting Bag.

The Babysitting Bag is a beyootiful big shiny bag filled up with all the sorts of books and games and toys that tantilize the inquiring minds of the under threes. The BB teases and tortures because it is totally out of bounds until Mummy and Daddy have disentangled themselves from the arms of their precious little cling on and gone their way in [relative] peace. The BB is Bribery Central.

Well, I approached the house in anticipation of having all the tricks pulled... the Mummy Daddy don't leave me trick, the I need a drink/cookie/blanky trick, the I'm scared/'thirsty tricks, the long, precise and convoluted trick of the bedtime usual routine and finally the best trick of all, the screaming at the top of my lungs trick.

And I didn't get a single one. This was a total no-tears gig.

There was the threat of tears when Mummy and Dad hovered a little too long in the kitchen more worried than I that the fireworks were about to start, and at that point I came very close to the "Scoot now, while he's distracted speech" carefully screening the exasperation before giving them the boot... and they left the house, and out came the BB and without blinking Cue was one happy camper.

Totally happy... No Tears. Not even one...

It was a trouble free evening. Not even a peep at bed time.

I love that.

And I love it even more that I'm now being touted around their [very nice] neighbourhood that I'm the babysitting equivalent of flavour of the month... and before the week was out I'd picked up a new job for Sunday around the corner and between the Ah So family referrals and the agency I'm laughing all the way to Asheville, NC.

*The Big Bad I Said No was a character in a BBC Kids Show called Stoppit and Tidy UP. It only ran one season and it must have been round '88 when I was living over there. Narrated by Terry Wogan it was delightful... so delightful I've ordered the DVD... I know, tragic...

Saturday night was babysitting night. Babysitting for the Legs.

I've been to this family repeatedly over the last 18 months and the kids and I are great friends. It's tough to get to know the parents when you're only seeing them for 15 minutes at either end of the evening.

These guys are lovely, and the mother and I have conversed occasionally. I thinks she's pretty shy so she always feels just a little bit distant when we speak.

I think nothing of it. I mean, there are some families I've totally bonded with and others I see occasionally and appreciate the brevity of our relationship but because of how often I go to the Leg's, and the fact that they ask for me by name, they fall somewhere in between.

Tonight I had been studying and watching photoshoptv whilst the kids [little angels] slept, and when Mr and Mrs Leg came home the conversation, while I was packing up my books, turned to the uni course, which is of course Arts and Theology... and consequently branched off towards church and the question of exactly which church it is that I go to.

That's an easy enough question to answer. A bit of a simple geography. The answer to which is basically the one with the orange roof on the corner of... etc.

The tricky question that followed of course is how is that different from Anglican or Catholic churches (the universal points of religious reference)? I explain that it's an conservative, orthodox Christian church, that has an expression of worship that's modern and relevant and lively.

But that isn't enough...

And I take a deep breath and enter 'sounds like a cult'* territory mentioning p˜ word and the Holy Ghost/Spirit part of the trinity and the whole prohesy and speaking in tongues stuff... She nods and smiles and I make a hash of trying to sound like a normal person and close [hopefully] with a sort of "it works for me and enriches my life" etc. etc. etc. (refraining from mentioning the whole heaven and hell bizzo). And she holds out her arms and says'

"That's great, I can give you a hug for that."

I hug her... doing my best to hide the wide eyes and raised eyebrows carefully entering hitherto unexplored territory in our relationship... [shakes head] Hugging Mrs Leg...

I'm still somewhat bemused...

That one moment turned on the lights in my already foggy brain and I realise she's on the verge of off her face (clearly has better luck with margaritas than me)... which means she likely won't remember it... and likely won't realise whaat a clueless Christian I was...

The Bible says be ready with an answer in and out of season... well, I guess this proves it was the off season for me tonight...

*I mean by this that it 'sounds like a cult' to the untutored ear. [Though actually when you get to the speaking in tongues stuff etc many Christians start imagining cult territory too... For the record, I'm not in a cult... My mind is far less controlled by the church than I think even they, would prefer...

˜ = pentecostal

It never ceases to amaze me, the beguiling honesty of children. There is no adult I've met who can freely tolerate who they will and diss those they won't with such eqanimity.

With kids you're either in or you're out. And while it's possible to wheedle your way into a child's affections you can't always be guaranteed of a permanent place, as capriciously as they admit you into their world they're capable of shafting you and leaving you out in the cold.

Kids have a bullshit o'meter second to none. They know if you're genuine in your interest or if you are after their affection for some other motive. If you need their affection to make yourself feel better you may well end up feeling worse than you started. But if you are genuinely interested in them and their world you are likely to be rewarded with a prize beyond measure. A ticket to an unparalleled view of a simple life, a simpler pleasure; the unbridled affection of a little person who invites you to stoop down and become part of their universe.

I have the happy knack of speaking the language of children. It has given me great joy over the years, it means I'm a hit with my niece and nephews and with the kids I sit for on Saturday evenings.

JJ, my godson, is adorable, with big blue eyes, and blonde curls you'd die to have for yourself... He's another one of the fully paid up, pint size members of the Aunty Dee Fan Club...

His mum is my best mate Kirk and she and her little fella come up to my office occasionally on a Friday for coffee and cookies; a good opportunity for me to down tools and have an early lunch. She called me as she about to leave the house on Friday to confirm I was still going to be around to meet them... and boy was that little man bellowing in the background... As it happened he'd been promised a visit to see Aunty Dee and when Mama got on the phone rather than into the car he made sure she knew that she wasn't moving fast enough; as if to say "Mum! We're late for Aunty Dee... get a bloody move on!!!"

So when someone asked me the other day, whether I'd be happy to live without having children of my own I had a bit of a think about it and came up with this...

The truth is, I can't believe I have this affinity for kids if I weren't destined to have any of my own and while the immediate future may not appear to be revealing a father for the kids I've already named in my heart. I'm equally convinced that the future can change in a second...

I reckon you just never know just what's around the corner... And if I'm wrong?

I'll cross that bridge when I get to it...